Field Journal, Entry 112: Contrary to popular belief, Bigfoot doesn’t just wander aimlessly—he hikes with purpose. Witnesses describe a shaggy silhouette cutting across ridgelines, staff in hand, backpack loaded with secrets (probably jerky, maps, and one suspiciously dented thermos). Classified: Low Profile, High Peaks. Documented only in blurry panoramas and awkward trail selfies, Sasquatch is the hiker none of us can keep up with. Now, captured in glossy round ornament form, the Hiking Squatch is ready to summit your spruce. Built with a durable MDF core and high-shine finish, it outlasts pine needles, resin, and family debates over “shortcut” trails that always end in mud. The gold hanging cord? Stress-tested to hold fast through holiday tremors, cat ambushes, and at least one cocoa spill per season. Hang it proudly on your tree, or—field-approved alternative—clip it to your gear shelf as cryptid décor. Owners report improved trail stamina, spontaneous campfire storytelling, and the urge to judge hikers wearing jeans. This season, let Squatch blaze the trail straight to your living room. Because if your tree isn’t packing legendary elevation, what are you even doing?

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