Field Notes: Surf Variant, Subject B-FOOT Forget grainy trail cams—the cleanest footage of Bigfoot comes from the lineup. Witnesses describe a towering figure paddling out, dropping in, and carving waves with prehistoric swagger. Nicknamed “Stay Salty, Stay Squatchy,” this aquatic maneuver has been logged in beach-town folklore since the Ice Age. Verified sightings: one surfer swore he saw “a hairy dude shredding,” but wiped out before snapping proof. Declassified here: the Squatch Surf Hoodie, standard-issue gear for coastal cryptid-watchers and boardriders alike. Seam construction? Double-needle reinforced, tougher than reef rash. Drawcord system? Metal eyelets with tipped cords—stays tight even after wipeouts or parking-lot burrito sprints. Fabric formula: 80% cotton, 10% polyester, 10% recycled bottles. Translation: a hybrid born of trees, tech, and last week’s soda stash. Inside, the fleece is loftier than a sea breeze, outside tight-knit enough to keep prints sharper than surf tattoos. Operational note: hoodie wearers report spontaneous shakas, unexplained tan lines, and an aversion to alarm clocks. Conclusion: Bigfoot doesn’t just ride waves—he owns them. Pull on the hoodie, paddle out, and stay squatchy.

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