Case File: Skate & Vanish. Multiple blurry Polaroids suggest Bigfoot ditched the woods and joined the half-pipe. Witnesses report a towering, fur-covered figure carving transitions smoother than conspiracy theories and popping ollies no mortal knees could survive. As always, the evidence disappears seconds later—except now, captured in shiny ornament form, Squatch has no choice but to stick the landing on your tree. Field guide notes: ornament features a durable MDF core and glossy finish tougher than an abandoned mall skatepark rail. Includes a gold cord, lab-tested to dangle securely even when subjected to sudden tree-quakes, sugar-fueled nephews, or failed kickflips near the living room. Observed behavior of owners: spontaneous use of the phrase “sick deck,” nostalgic rambling about Tony Hawk, and a sudden urge to wear Vans at formal dinners. Holiday-proof and fully cryptid-certified, this piece will outlast fruitcake, pine needles, and at least three arguments about whose turn it is to wash the dishes. Because nothing screams seasonal cheer like a legendary beast with a board. Squatch doesn’t just skate—he skates, vanishes, and takes your dignity with him.

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