Bigfoot Birdwatching 20oz Tumbler — Cryptid Coffee Travel Mug
$ 28
Some cryptids chase fame. Bigfoot? He just wants to check off chickadees on his life list. Field journals recovered from Oregon campsites note: “Specimen observed at dawn, clutching binoculars and muttering about warblers.” Documented only in three blurry sightings, the Squatchin’ birder is a rare subspecies, distinguished by mud-caked thermos and a patience level that rivals dial-up internet. This tumbler is your passport into that clandestine world. Picture yourself: trail boots damp, notebook in one hand, and this 20oz field vessel in the other, holding hot coffee that doesn’t taste like swamp water (unless that’s your thing). Whether you’re squinting at cardinals or pretending you saw a condor to flex at brunch, this cup stays loyal—keeping your brew hot or cold longer than the average conspiracy podcast episode. Made of stainless steel strong enough to survive family tree tumbles and raccoon raids, it’s got a lid that laughs at spills. Smooth in hand, sharp in lore, it feels like carrying a classified artifact disguised as hydration gear. Carry this and you’re not just birdwatching—you’re cryptid-watching yourself. Go ahead, deny Bigfoot birding habits all you want. He’s probably already spotted you.
Field Notes: Sasquatch Survival Cylinder (a.k.a. Coffee Transport Unit)
- Composition: Double-wall stainless steel—engineered to resist rust, stains, and corrosion longer than conspiracy theories.
- Insulation System: Vacuum-sealed chamber—documented to keep liquids hot enough to cauterize wounds or cold enough to chill swamp water, depending on mission.
- Seal Rating: Excellent tight-lock lid—no leaks, no spills, no excuses. (Seriously, even Mothman couldn’t escape this seal.)
- Finish: Glossy wraparound print—vibrant enough to survive dishwasher cycles, skeptical stares, and at least three reboots.
- Maintenance Protocol: Dishwasher-safe—because no legend has time for handwashing.
- Dimensions: 20oz capacity—ample fuel storage for coffee, tea, blue milk, or whatever potion keeps you mythic.
- Field Rating: Durable, temperature-retentive, fandom-approved—certified gear for Sasquatch Sundays, midnight investigations, and surviving office meetings that refuse to end.
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