Turns out the world’s most elusive mammal isn’t hiding from cameras—he’s just late to catch a set. Documented in coastal lore as the “Vanishing Local,” Bigfoot has been spotted lumbering toward the shoreline with board in tow, tossing a shaggy shaka, and muttering something about “be back never.” Field-guide entries confirm: subjects who witness this behavior are 80% more likely to quit their job, grow questionable beards, and talk about tides like they’re stock tips. Slipping this USA-made hoodie over your shoulders isn’t just warmth—it’s initiation. You’re now part of the coastal cryptid clan: that breed of wanderers who’d rather chase waves than deadlines. Reports suggest optimal wear after saltwater drenching, roadside taco binges, or late-night parking lot philosophizing about whether Point Break is actually a documentary. The feel? Think “seaworn driftwood polished smooth” with a backbone strong enough to handle sand, wind, and your cousin’s badly tuned ukulele. This isn’t tourist merch; it’s post-surf armor built with threads as tough as folklore itself. Warning: wearing may cause sudden urges to ignore voicemail, skip the commute, and vanish toward the horizon. Bigfoot doesn’t clock in—and neither should you.

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