Archival surf logs, circa “way before your grandpa’s mixtapes,” record strange sightings off foggy coasts: a towering figure, chest hair glistening like kelp, shredding waves with prehistoric grace. Scientists call it impossible; locals call it “Squatch on a stick.” Now, thanks to modern ornament technology, the Surfing Sasquatch is preserved forever in shiny, round glory—just waiting to hang ten on your tree. Field-guide entry: Specimens observed using pillowcases report surf-themed dreams, tidal cravings for eggnog, and a mysterious need to say “brah” unironically. This ornament, with its durable MDF core and high-gloss finish, is tougher than driftwood and shinier than sunscreen-slathered tourists. Ships with a gold cord, field-tested to dangle securely even under conditions of tree quakes, sibling rivalry, or gingerbread house collapse. Whether your evergreen is decked in seashells, LEDs, or the same tangled lights from ‘98, Squatch brings tidal energy to the festivities. He’s shredding since the Ice Age, and this season he’s crashing directly into your living room. Tree looking bland? Add Squatch. Because nothing says holiday spirit like a cryptid on a surfboard.

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