CLASSIFIED DOSSIER: FILE #MT-88 – SUBJECT: HOODIE, BIGFOOT EDITION Recovered evidence indicates this garment is tied to Specimen B-FOOT, known globally as the “Hide & Seek Champion.” Rare sightings confirm: subject emerges only when confident the crowd is distracted by nachos. Blurry photos show him strutting exactly as pictured here. Field notes: Stitching verified U.S. origin. Threads: 100% American-grown. Comfort levels rank “unethical softness,” durability rated “outlasts camping gear and relatives asking what you do for work.” Hood function tested—perfect for vanishing into crowds, misty forests, or awkward conversations. Specimen behavior when worn: increased stealth, noticeable swagger, heightened tolerance for conspiracy theorists. Reported side effect—random jerky donations from strangers. Specimen compatibility: unisex, adaptable, no size restrictions beyond human limits (Sasquatch sizes currently unavailable). WARNING: Possession of hoodie may lead to unsolicited stories from older relatives beginning with “I swear I saw him once…” Proceed with caution, but also with style. End of report: Recommend immediate acquisition. Failure to secure hoodie may result in envy, exposure to cold weather, and loss of cryptid credibility. Consider this your only warning.

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