Bigfoot Surfboard Ornament — Cryptid Christmas Tree Decoration
$ 11
**Field Note 37B:** Witness accounts describe a massive, shaggy humanoid strolling casually down the coast, surfboard tucked under one arm, radiating the kind of chill only a cryptid could muster. Locals report the figure flashed a hang-loose sign before vanishing into the mist, presumably in search of the ultimate wave… or tacos. Classified codename: Gnarly Squatch. This round ornament locks that elusive moment in shiny permanence. MDF core, high-gloss finish—stronger than a beach cooler hinge, slicker than coconut-scented sunscreen left in the car. Gold cord included, rigorously tested to hold steady even during tree-quakes caused by cats, cousins, or the sheer weight of cryptid denial. Hang it on your tree, your ficus, or the questionable plastic pine that’s seen more Christmases than your patience. Wherever it dangles, Squatch delivers shoreline swagger straight into your living room. Observed side effects: holiday calm, unexplainable sand cravings, and the urge to mutter “be back never” at work emails. This isn’t just décor. It’s field evidence with festive shine. Squatch is gone surfing—your excuse to do the same.
Field Notes: Squatch Ornament
- Composition: Durable MDF core with high-gloss plastic finish—engineered to outlast tree tinsel, fruitcake, and at least three family feuds.
- Hanging System: Ships with a festive gold cord—field-tested to dangle securely, even under the weight of cryptid-level skepticism.
- Dimensions: 2.75" tall × 1/8" thick × 0.5 oz—compact but impossible to ignore, like most blurry evidence.
- Field Rating: Holiday-proof—shines on evergreens, fake trees, or that questionable ficus you keep insisting is “seasonal.”
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